Album Review

Score 0
Written by Chris Sessions
Published on 6/7/2006
Compilations and samplers are a great way to discover new bands or bands you have missed. It's how I discovered bands ranging from Nirvana to Godflesh to Nile. But how do you review them? I don't know. So I will just give you a hit off of each song on this blackened sampler and you can do what you want with it. First it needs to be stated that this kind of black metal does not appeal to me. Generally badly recorded and more of a chore than a pleasure to get all the way through, but for those that dig the smell of their own shit...

Harvist: "Foundations" - cool, straight forward, great solos. 3
Hordes of the Lunar Eclipse: "Starbeast" - punk rock style , fairly average. Far too long. 2
Azreal: "Illumination" - Recorded like shit, but a cool epic song. Would like to hear what it actually sounds like. 3
Kult Ov Azazel: "Trampling The Cross" - ominous, decently recorded. Good song. 4
Krieg: "Every Wound Burned" - deathier vocals mixed with roars. Good blasts. Too repetative 3
Bahimiron: "Blood of Sodom" - utterly shit recording. Big trebly dunghole. 1
Summon: "Beating of Christ" - decent recording, great musicianship. Technoblack? Great song. 5
Xasthur: "Maanes Natt" - like listening to a toilet flush through corrugated tubing. 1
Typhus: "Satanic Goat Fuck Lust" - great song title, sounds like something my mom would have called me when I was 17. Sloppy, plodding and dull. 2
Leviathan: "Hissing And Sullen" - confusing and embarrassing. Might be a decent song hidden beneath the idiocy. 2
Draugar: "Running From Us" - nifty little soundscape. 3
Engorge: "Pathways To My Lustful Ruin" - death vocals over unlistenable nonsense. 2
Thralldom: "Metaphysical Shrapnel" - sounds like a black metal Obituary. And that's a pretty good thing. 4
Cobalt: "Hammerfight" - holy fuck, production! Average song, though. Fast, blasty and expected. 3
Teratism: "Grim Fucking Warlust" - again, production! Who let these guys onto this fucker? Good song, too. 4
Demoncy: "Winds of Plague" - recorded on a Fisher Price "My First Tape Recorder", but it actually sounds better than some of the other things on this CD. The song is another run of the mill blaster. The vocals are pretty amazing, though. 3
Inquisition: "Under the Black Inverted Pentagram" - blastasstic closer. Overlong, undergood. 2

All in all a black metal record for people who enjoy black metal, which I am not. You already know my schpiel, so I will save it. If you are looking to get into this stuff, give this a bash. If you are already into it why bother? If you are not into it and don't want to be just go look up Kult Ov Azazel, Summon, Thralldom and Teratism.



Unknown Metalhead
Nachtral | posted on 7/2006 | Reply
This guy is totally off about most of the tracks on this comp. Typhus slays and so does Leviathan. Bahimiron is total fucking war and Engorge are an utter surprise on this comp. Ive heard people talk shit on this band for years now, not because of their music but more so that their singer is of a mixed backround. They could easily be a cross between Darkthrone and Celtic Frost and alot of people hate that fact. Cobalt stink, I will admit as does that Draugar track but other than that this is one of the finer USBM comps if not the best.
Unknown Metalhead
the one, the only | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Bet Lee's wishing he finished high school right about now...Picasso...
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jonathan | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Lee, uh, it was Van Gogh who cut his ear off, not Picasso... and neither of them started "slashing at the canvas" as you say. Congratulations, you're a bona fide dumbass.
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Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Well since at least 3 of the bands you listed don't even play BM I would guess you didn't know what you were talking about?...joking.I like all of that shit too. Serious, don't take fucktards word for it, check out at least Typhus, if you like Immortal you will dig them.
Unknown Metalhead
Prometheus | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
I love black metal, but i tend to stick to the more well known stuff, because it tends to be recorded better. I'm talking about Emperor, Immortal, Enslaved, Mayhem, Tsjuder, Borknagar, Satyricon, Naglfar.... the list goes on. But the real underground buzzy stuff pisses me off, you can keep that. Just my opinion
Unknown Metalhead
windowlicker | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
'K !! Didn't mean to come between you and your cyber-lover. So cute!!
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
I know man, all of this foreplay just is a long build up. Hey Windowlicker, stay the fuck out of Session's and my cyber shit, k?
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Yes Leee. There was never really any doubt.
Unknown Metalhead
windowlicker | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Oh Lee, You think your pussy can handle it?
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
I do, you are going to be my first Metal Review fuck aren't you?
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
I just do it so you will keep adoring me, Leee.
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
You really think an old guy using 12 year old bathroom humor is funny? When Sessions lets the insanity take over and starts writing shit like this is similiar to when Picasso went insane, cut his ear off and just starts slashing at the canvas.....Sad......but amusing.
Unknown Metalhead
windowlicker | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
For those of you that don't find Mr. Session's reviews at least entertaining, you need to lighten up. You must be of the anal retentive sort. Your shit must come out in little deposits cuz your assholes are so goddam tight. People just love to be pissed off. Whine asses. Also, It doesn't take a a genius to know what shitty black metal sounds like. And i wipe my free flowing anal repulsive ass with most black metal. There are few good ones out there.
Captain's Avatar
Captain  | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
stuart - we aren't actually given reviews, we sign up for 'em. Chris' method of selection involves numbering the available albums in queue, then rolling a 20sided die and letting Dion Warwick and her psychic friends choose his reviews for him. Call her 900 number and give her a piece of your mind...then she'll probably tell you you're going to be very succesful in your work and that you're gonna meet the woman of your dreams by running into her w/your shopping cart at the grocery store. Or maybe she'll tell you you're doomed, who the fuck can tell.
Unknown Metalhead
stuart | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
makes you wonder about this site, really. why the fuck are they giving black metal material to people who don't like black metal or who have no proper knowledge of it, makes you think why bother if reviewers are given material that they have no interest in.
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
HJwat did you want to know that you couldn't find?
Unknown Metalhead
Giant Bat | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Uh, yeah, dude..... I probably agree with you on some of this shit, but really....
Unknown Metalhead
Frank | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
No, "Good Review" = one that does not let your dumbass pseudo-humor get in the way of the actual review of the music.
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James | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Kult Ov Azazel is an awesome band. I've been listening to them for a while, definitely seem like one of the better bands on this comp (besids Summon and maybe Harvist)
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
"without" ought to have read "with"
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
I see. "Good Review" = REview that agrees without you. Because you are Jesus. All hail Jesus.
Unknown Metalhead
Frank | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Here you go! Good review, Sessions. I like Leviathan, Xasthur, Jesu, and Godflesh. Yeah.
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Save the stupid analogies for somewhere else. People like bands like Levithan, they are one of my faves. You think it is boring, that is cool and your business. Obviously you think if all he does is play 12 different notes over a drum machines you don't have all of his shit or you are thinking of another band and talking out of your ass. Levithan is hardly lo-fi either except for his demo stuff and even that sounds good. So again, I don't know what you guys are listiining too..... As I said I feel the exact same way but bullshit like Godflesh and Jesu so I get your point.
Unknown Metalhead
Prometheus | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Leviathan bores me too. I'm all for lo-fi, to a point. But with leviathan its too bad to enjoy. At least with old Darkthrone you could hear the drums and guitars.
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daniel | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Xasthur and Leviathan are boring, I hate to break it to some of the people on here, but anyone can play 12 different notes quietly over a drum machine and make it sound eerie. I do listen to it to put me to sleep, though.
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
It's like if I went to a site that caters to child molestors and continuously disagreed with their assesment of what a healthy sexual relationship consists of but maintained that I was a pedophile anyway because I like adult shaved chicks with small tits.
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
Maybe not, but I am not leaving. There are others here that worship Levithan and Xashtur too. Sorry you can't "get it". Don't worry, I can't get Godflesh and Jesu so we are even.
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
You don't belong here.
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
It wasn't meant to be funny. I love Xashtur and Levithan and think they are great bands, you don't. You should give in. Typhus is fucking great too btw.
Unknown Metalhead
Chris Sessions | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
it's not funny anymore.
Lee's Avatar
Lee | posted on 6/2006 | Reply
ha, Xashtur and fucking Levithan own your ass Sessions, when they fuck you going to give in and start enjoying totally fucking true good Metal by guys that know how to make it? Shit, poor soul. I saw Summon in concert, they are fucking good.