This will be one of the most difficult reviews I'll ever have to write. I've only written one sentence, and can already tell this won't be easy.

I'll start with the basic facts. The band -- The Rays of The Sun. The album, Living Flowers Gallery. They hail from the Czech Republic, and they play a serviceable combination of Euro-Doom, and early 90's Alternative Rock. There are two singers, one male and one female. However, they avoid the typical Beauty and The Beast dynamic, with the male singer, Michal, going for mid range bellow, and the female, Daniela, belting out some melodramatic operatics. They're both competent, but at this point I'd rather receive a barium enema chased with a glass of flesh eating fire ants than ever listen to their droning interplay again.

There's plenty of clean guitar laid over open chord progressions. For what it's worth, the mix is pretty much perfect for this style of music. The bass is clearly audible, and many tracks feature prominent bass-lines. The Rays of The Sun do lay down some heavy progressions here and there, but for the most part they seem content to reside in that lost era between the death of grunge and the unfortunate birthing of nu-metal. It's hard to put my finger on, but it's all so under developed. They don't seem to know what works for them, and it shows, often letting their better ideas go to waste, and dragging out others that simply do not work. The album's finale, "Podzemi", is a prime example. The song starts off in fine fashion with a rare, hefty dirge. However, it eventually degenerates into an overwrought and repetitive guitar solo that leaves a bad taste in my mouth, and basically makes me forget that at one point I was digging this song. To their credit, they do show some flashes of "getting it" especially on track five, "Follow Copy". I have decided that if The Rays of the Sun played like this more often they would be quite the band. There's some cool tempo shifts, and even some fiery metal riffing. However, they don't play like that very often at all, and I'm convinced they do it purely out of spite for me.

In its own way, what The Rays of the Sun are doing is quite good. If my aunt somehow found out I liked metal, and picked this up for me because she thought the name was awesome, then I might actually not be on the verge of ritualistic bloodletting upon my umpteenth listen to Living Flowers Gallery. The problem is, I'm trying to review this for you bastards so I can point out something outstanding or remarkable; something that is something ...anything. I'm sorry ... there's nothing. As background music, this will do just fine. The crystal clean vocals, catchy chord progressions, and etherial lead guitar noodling will serve as a perfect soundtrack to building a model ship, reading a book about the Charge of the Light Brigade, or feverishly masturbating. However, if you go into this album looking for something to reach out and touch you, AT&T style, you're doomed. You'll end up like that guy in Dark City who suspects that aliens have taken over his world and are stopping time and altering peoples' lives every night for the sake of experimentation. That guy went shit-house insane, if you don't approach this album carefully, you're next.